I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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