Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
