matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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