it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
