there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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