I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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