this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
