I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
