A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
two words: eviction party
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
