Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
