well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it was like eating out sand paper
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
