we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
