He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
