Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
