i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
