i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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