We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
