Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
