last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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