Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
