I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
