My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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