2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
