i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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