she woke up with a sticky ear
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
