Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
