I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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