i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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