God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
