Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
