I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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