If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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