Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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