You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
