he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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