your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
