Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
where am i from again
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
