Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize