Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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