Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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