a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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