She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize