You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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