She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize