Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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