John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What a dumb baby whore.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize