You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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