naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
