finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
