Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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