How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
