Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
