I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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