So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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