you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
