Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
