To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
