I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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