Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
