Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
