the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A bitchslap is in order.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
