I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
