I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
