Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
