Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
