Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
